Alive or dead?!

I thought I was strong enough
I thought I could lie to myself
But my heart tells me every day that it's not true
I give my biggest smile to everyone
But from the inside I'm drowning
Cause I miss him more than ever

I tried to save me from this love
By burning the pages
But the lack of him
Is killing me little by little

I try to find him back in my best memories
Hoping that it will bring me back to life
But more I try more I fall
Maybe because the bad memories are stronger
Or maybe because good memories will make me suffer even more
Maybe unconsciously my head is trying to help me
And is fighting with my heart
It would explain this mixture of love and hate

I just know that I'm fighting between life and dead
And am in a kind of coma
Where, the reality tries to save me
And dreams keep me in an other world